The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anger: Using DBT Mindfulness and Emotion Regulation Skills to Manage Anger by Alexander Chapman & Kim Gratz

Author:Alexander Chapman & Kim Gratz [Chapman, Alexander; Gratz, Kim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Published: 2015-10-30T16:00:00+00:00

Mindfully Attending to Your Experiences

Mindfulness involves paying attention to, contemplating, and noticing something while letting go of judgments and assumptions. To mindfully attend to something, you must take a step back in your mind and look at it objectively without evaluating it as good or bad or right or wrong. Don’t try to change it. Instead, be open to the experience, regardless of whether you like or dislike it. This process is a lot like walking outside in the morning and paying attention to the weather—the warmth or coolness of the air, the clouds in the sky, even the feeling of rain—and not being attached to it being different. When it comes to anger or anger-provoking situations, attending to them is much easier said than done. We’ll start with exercises to get you familiar with mindfully attending to your everyday experiences, and then you’ll start applying these skills to anger.

Before you begin the exercises, we have one very important tip for you to keep in mind. When you’re mindfully attending to one thing, your mind will almost always wander to something else. This is simply what minds do: they think, plan, worry, ruminate, daydream, fantasize, and so on. We try to focus on one thing, such as our morning coffee or a conversation, but our thoughts, memories, and feelings drag us away into our own heads. This is perfectly normal. In fact, the practice of mindfully attending to something is not about gluing your attention to something. Instead, the idea is to gently guide your attention back to whatever you’re focusing on whenever your mind wanders. If you’re paying attention to the birds and trees in the morning but notice yourself getting caught up in your to-do list for the day, gently guide your attention back to the birds and the trees. It’s not easy to focus on one thing at a time, but as with lifting weights, the more you practice, the stronger your mindfulness muscles will become.

Try out the exercises below to get started with the skill of mindfully attending to your experiences. These exercises will not only help you get your feet wet with mindfulness, but if you practice them regularly, you might be able to bring mindful attention to more of your daily experiences. As a result, you will be more awake and attentive to each moment, both of which can allow you to reduce stress and get more out of life.

Make a cup of coffee, tea, warm milk, or another hot beverage of your choice and, when the temperature is comfortable, place your hands around the cup and simply pay attention to the feeling of warmth and any smells rising from the beverage. Slowly bring the cup to your lips and notice the sensation of steam and warmth on your nose and face. Take a slow sip and notice what the liquid feels like in your mouth, what tastes arise, and how it feels to swallow.

Sit outside in the morning in your backyard, on your porch, or in a park where you can see trees.

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